When will this season end?
Rambling about where a lack of vision leads
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Have you ever lived through a season that felt like it would never end?
Here in Canada, we often feel this way about March (yes I am aware that March is a month, but it also feels like it’s own long, slow season, where winter will never pass and spring will never come). Though if you talk to someone living in Toronto during a heat wave, you might hear the same sentiment. Other seasons feel like they pass by quickly or at least with a steadiness (a consistent marching tempo).
Usually I love the seasons. The expectation of Spring with it’s growth, warming temperatures and refreshing rain; Summer with it’s long hot days of swimming, boating and BBQ’d food; Fall/Autumn with crisp, cool mornings, leaves that change colours and “sweata-weatha”; and Winter with snowy, frosty days filled with warm food and cozy chats.
But sometimes seasons feel so long and this season of my life has felt SO long. I am not referring to the lovely summer we just had but about the spiritual season I am living through. It is starting to feel like a “March” season. One that just keeps going with no end in sight.
In our spiritual lives we go through seasons. Ecclesiastes talks about this in the passage made famous in my generation by The Byrds (written by Pete Seeger) called Turn! Turn! Turn! (To Everything There Is A Season).
Ecclesiastes 3:1-14 (NIV)
There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.9 What do workers gain from their toil? 10 I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race. 11 He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet[a] no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. 12 I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. 13 That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God. 14 I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that people will fear him.
I will apologize for inciting an ear-worm as different parts of this song loop in our heads. But it just couldn’t be helped.
Prior to the stark season of mourning that abruptly landed in my lap in January, I had already been in a season of transition, one that felt like a long winter. I have spent most of my life following Jesus but this last season it has felt very fruitless, stark and barren. I haven’t been as active in local christian events and circles but haven’t felt like I fit in most of them anymore.
There have been many questions floating through this season. “What next?”, “Am I actually up for this?”, “What is my purpose?”, “Where is this all going?” and “What is my part in it?”.
Is this a season of hidden-ness before my spring comes and I get to sprout into something visibly new? Or is this a barren land that I have created through my sin?
These are the questions of my season.
I keep hearing that it’s a time of transition and I can see the Lord shaking things and moving people into new things all around me. I have definitely been moved, challenged and shaken in this season.
But have I grown? Am I better than I was before? And when do I get to see what it is all for? And why do I feel stuck in this no-man’s-land?
I say I trust the Lord with my life…but do I really???
This season I needed to acknowledge and repent for holding anger towards God. I have been angry because I have been holding disappointment about where I am in life. I did not plan to be a middle-aged single lady who moves every couple years and who changes jobs almost as much as she moves. It might look like I am happy with my life but it isn’t where I thought I’d be. And it can be pretty lonely. It’s not all horrible and sad but I just need to be real about it. I wanted something different and thought I would have something that looked vastly different (marriage, kids, house, consistent job).
Part of my challenge has been that I haven’t had vision for my life in a while. And where there is lack of vision, the people perish Proverbs 29:18 (KJV).
Proverbs 29:18 (AMP)
Where there is no vision [no revelation of God and His word], the people are unrestrained; But happy and blessed is he who keeps the law [of God].
But I was not looking for vision in the right place. I was not looking to the Lord and His Word for vision but to my own devices and whims. I was doing my own thing, wallowing in disappointment and wondering why I was so miserable. My disappointment, when internalized instead of taken to Jesus to deal with, turned to anger and that has not been very fun.
So the season is not over, transition still seems to be all around, and my natural tendency is to latch back on to disappointment. But I am endeavouring to fix my gaze on the One who holds my life in His hands and to the Word, Jesus, for vision and trying to live my best life for His glory.
On a Lighter Note…
Do you remember WAY back in the 80’s (the 1980’s) when women would go “get their colours done”? It was based on the four seasons (Winter, Spring, Summer, Autumn) and the colours reflected those seasons. So Winter tends to have cool sharp colours; Spring has a brighter variation of Autumn; Summer has “Easter” (pastel) colours; and Autumn has earthy tones.
I remember being a teenager thinking getting my colours done would be helpful as I started my explorations into fashion and creating my personal “style”. I knew certain colours did NOT look good on me (please never by me anything in a pastel or that lovely pale yellow). Not because I don’t like those colours but they just make my skin tone look sallow and washed out. I look best in deep rich colours that are in the Autumn and Winter palettes.
This was no real surprise and I LOVE burnt oranges, deep forest green, and a rich cranberry or teal. I gravitate towards earthy browns instead of blacks or blues and I look good in a dark purple. The fashion industry and retail stores still use this seasonal colour scheme through the year, so if you are like me and look best in rich deep colours, know that August-February is when they will be selling clothing in these palettes.
So much of our lives is based on seasons. It’s an interesting way to organize us. We have a planting season, a growing season, a laying to rest or storing up season and a dormant season. In the northern climate these seasons are pronounced and vividly different from each other.
I know our current world is not set up to follow the ebb and flow of seasons so much anymore. But I do wonder if we are not missing out on something profound by keeping a consistent hustle or busy-ness to life, instead of spending a portion of each year slowing down, sleeping longer and allowing ourselves to rest. Food for thought.
What season are you in? Or do you just ignore seasons and power through without even asking that question?
Would love to hear from you all in the comments or a message.
