The Crucible of the Trail
Being refined in the context of the wilderness and community
Welcome to Kara Outdoors, a look at local trails, paddling adventures and outdoor specific information that will help you feel comfortable setting out on your own adventures in the wilderness or local forest. Subscribe below for free and join our community of adventurers. Feel free to send me your comments or ideas for new trails in the comments section below. If this is your first time here, you can catch up on anything you’ve missed by following this link.
When we go out in nature for an afternoon, a day or a multi-day excursion, we end up being refined by the experience. Refining is the process of taking raw material and reducing it to its purest form (removing impurities). Forests, rivers, mountains, fields, slowing down and living simply is the vessel in which we are tested, put under pressure and new developments happen. This is the crucible of the trail.
Being on the trail or on the water in a wilderness context for any length of time has this amazing ability to bring clarity to what we value and what we need to work on within ourselves. It is a process of refining exponentially sped up by the lack of distractions and busyness.
It is incredible what we can learn about ourselves on trip. Our pet peeves are highlighted, our tolerance for other’s opinions and habits is stretched, and unhealed wounds in our souls flare without warning. These things are so easily ignored and glossed over when we are in our daily routine. Or they are just never known to us because we don’t have anything showing them to us in our daily lives. On trip, we can’t run from conflict, nor can we ignore flares of emotion or grievances. It stares us in the face and demands our attention. It is in this context of living, working and ultimately surviving with one another that we have the great opportunity to become refined; a better, more purified version of who we are and discover more about who we are growing into.
Let me tell you a story.
Picture it: Boundary Waters Canoe Area 2005. A group of university students is making their way through the wilderness with only their canoes and their wits for survival… (sorry I have been rewatching Golden Girls and the way Sophia introduces a story gets me every time).
Really though, I was on an 2-week canoe trip for a third year university course and we were making our way from the Boundary Waters Canoe Area (BWCA) in Minnesota, across the Canada/US border and into Quetico Provincial Park, Ontario where we would be picked up from French Lake. We had only been travelling for couple days and we had just lined our canoes (pulled them using ropes) up a rapid. Water levels were so high that some of the places we expected rapids were washed out, creating strange whirlpools in the rivers. We were trying to get to a portage trailhead but had to cross some pushy moving water in order to reach the take-out. I was in the stern of the boat and had experience in whitewater canoeing but didn’t hit the right angle and dumped our boat. A quick rescue by my fellow trippers saved us from going back down the rapids we had just traversed up, along with saving our gear.
I was embarrassed, angry, and frustrated at myself that I hadn’t made that crossing but didn’t talk about it with the others. I kept it all buried and thought I was putting on an “all is fine” face for everyone, while drawing into myself to sort it out. It was probably 3 days before I really came out of the internal funk of that mistake but carried it for rest of the trip (and beyond). It’s a memory that I have had to intentionally sit in and process in order for it to stop popping up in triggered moments of regret and or the replaying of my mistakes reel (those memories that swirl in our heads when we haven’t actually dealt with the emotional fallout of our experiences). In that moment on trip, all I kept thinking was, just keep going and act like it’s okay because you can’t let them see how dumb you feel for making a really big mistake. The funny (not so funny) part was that they all saw it anyway, cause you can’t hide living together in the wilderness. At the end of the trip while debriefing with my instructors, part of my grade reflected my struggle to deal in that moment as they had noticed me withdraw from the group, even as I thought it was hidden.
The crucible of the trail highlighted how hard I am on myself and my unhealthy coping mechanisms. When I look back on it now and think about my experience I remember the way I was tough and portaged kilometres each day and kept paddling even when the headwind kept us in one spot. The way I built lasting a relationship with one of my fellow tent-mates and how even though I wasn’t my best self on that trip, I was still a kind, nice person who was fun to be around. My co-trippers taught me to have a good time and create a positive atmosphere on trip even in drizzling rain for 9 out of 14 days. And I learned how I needed solitude on a trip that long. I also learned that I need to debrief experiences like that with someone in order to let it go. I learned that I could have leaned on my community to help me through the internal messiness that a mistake had created in my head, instead of internalizing it and making it harder to process. All in all it was an amazing trip and it chiseled away some edges and magnified some things I need to work on.
Our community, as much as the ecosystem we are travelling through, provides that refining process. It can also reveal areas where we are not healthy or places that needed strengthening. Backcountry camping groups are usually small and if you are travelling through an area that is sparsely populated, and the group has no contact with “outsiders” for days or weeks, it feels isolated and can feel lonely even as you have almost no time alone. As you move through woods or on water it is the group that buoys you and your interactions within the group that help you grow but also help you feel connected and valued.
When you are out on the trail (hiking, canoeing, snowshoeing, skiing) for extended periods of time, life becomes really simple. And when you get down to it the most precious thing you have is the group you are travelling with. When you are backcountry camping, all around you the wilderness is beautiful but also a place where you have to work together to survive. The best wilderness trips always have adversity and a group that pulls together to overcome. And it is through these experiences that we are refined and our character is reshaped and strengthened. We do not do that alone.
Our communities in our daily life should be like being with a group in the wilderness. They should help refine us and support us. Having friends who walk alongside you and finding a community where you are accepted and contribute is what we long for. We are social beings and are created for relationship. That group or individuals walk through the tough stuff and celebrate the wins with us. When we find our tribe or people we are energized and motivated. We bond over shared experiences, wrestle through new ideas and work through conflicts as they arise. It is not always easy to do life together but it is rich and is always worth the effort.
